


A Rose By Any Other Name

by DesiredUsernameTaken



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Draco needs a friend, Draco needs a hug, Everyone hurts poor Draco, Fluff, Harry does not forgive and forget, Harry's a dick, Hogwarts Eighth Year, Light Angst, M/M, More Tags to be added as I go, Ron's a dick, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-30
Updated: 2019-08-16
Packaged: 2019-09-30 21:52:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 14,792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17231858
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DesiredUsernameTaken/pseuds/DesiredUsernameTaken
Summary: Draco knew from the moment that he saw the name Harry written on his wrist that he would never be able to respond to the messages from his soulmate.Years pass and in their eight year, Draco decides to finally build up the courage to write back to his soulmate.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Sooo in this AU whatever you write appears on your soulmate's skin. This is basically the eight year/soulmate AU nobody asked for. Oh well

Draco had gotten his first message from his soulmate before he had turned eleven. Only by a few months, but it meant he was older nonetheless. The message had been in scrawled letters on his left arm, the writing a bit sloppy and rough around the edges. He could see his soulmate was excited.

  
Looking back, he had been lucky that he had been alone when the message came. The feeling of someone writing on his skin, the scratchy feeling had been new and strange and he had been scared and surprised. He had gotten used to the feeling over the years however.

 

It had been short, introducing himself as Harry and saying he couldn’t wait until his soulmate turned eleven and could talk back to him. Draco had stared at the message for a very long time, his brain almost unable to process it. It was strange. His mother and father weren’t soulmates, he knew that. There was still a chance he would’ve been able to marry his soulmate, or so he had hoped.

  
But he knew the moment he saw the name Harry, that he would never be able to reply, much less marry him. All his hopes had been crushed with that single name. He decided no one could find out that his soulmate was a boy and thus started wearing long sleeves permanently.

 

He never showed his skin from that moment forward and he knew it was for the best. If it got out that he was gay, he would surely be disowned, there was no other way about it. No matter how much it hurt him, he would be married to some pureblood girl and his Harry would live without ever knowing he had a soulmate.

 

It was better that way. It had to be.

 

Harry kept writing to him, telling him about his day, spilling secrets about the way his aunt and uncle treated him, his cousin. How little food he got, how he had to sleep under the cupboard under the stairs. It was horrid, and it pained Draco to just sit by and not offer any comfort. He wanted nothing more than to be there for his soulmate, but he knew he couldn’t.

 

It only occurred to him that his Harry might be Harry Potter the moment that his hand in friendship was rejected. The frail boy with too big clothing. It made sense, his Harry had told him that he had been accepted into a special school and his adventures on how he got there.

 

He never said Hogwarts or wizard, but the stories he told were enough. It boggled his mind that someone like Harry Potter could be his soulmate. It hurt him that he had been rejected by his soulmate. He tried not to dwell on that.

 

So he did the only thing he could think of. He lashed out, he pulled up every wall he could. Yet a part of him always just wanted Harry’s attention. The other boy was constantly on his mind and he wanted nothing more than to tell him.

 

But he kept his secret to himself. He knew he couldn’t tell, because it would never work. He was smart enough to realise that Harry wanted nothing to do with him and that if he wanted to keep his family he couldn’t say anything.

 

So he kept his mouth shut and he didn’t give any hints. He kept trying to get his attention and he kept wearing long sleeves and making sure not to get any ink on his skin and let Harry know that he had a soulmate.

 

A few years went by like that and Draco didn’t let anything slip to anyone. As far as everyone else knew he didn’t have a soulmate, or they were already deceased. Draco kept telling himself it was better that way.

 

It was difficult, reading everything Harry was going through and not be able to do anything. And it hurt to read the things he wrote about ‘Malfoy’. It hurt to know what his soulmate really thought of him. It hurt so badly.  
  
But he gritted his teeth and bore through it. He was a Malfoy after all, first and foremost, and he could handle it.

 

The messages got less and less as the years progressed and Draco found himself hoping for more of them. He looked forward to them and after a while it was one of the only things that kept him sane.

 

When the time come, he knew he wouldn’t have taken the dark mark if it would’ve shown up on Harry’s skin. But, he knew it didn’t. So he did it. It was for his family, and he knew it wouldn’t affect Harry, so he didn’t hesitate too much.

  
Throughout their seventh year, or what was supposed to be their seventh year, he had gotten more messages, no information that he could’ve used against Harry, Harry never directly said anything, after all, he didn’t know if his soulmate was a muggle or not. It was all about emotions and frustration. It pained Draco to know Harry was suffering.

 

He realised then that he cared for too much for someone that would hate him forever.

 

When the final battle began he knew either way, he was going to lose something big. He wanted his family to be alright, he had done so much to protect them after all, but the last thing he wanted was for Harry to die.

 

And when he saw him dead, Draco’s whole soul felt like it had been ripped into a thousand tiny pieces. He had felt everything pass in a haze and when Harry turned out to be alive, he almost felt like running up to him, holding him and never letting go. Luckily, he held back.

 

From there, everything was a mess. Harry had won and he was so thankful for that, but he still wished things hadn’t been the way they had been. His father had been sent to Azkaban and his mother had moved to France to escape everything.

 

Only he stayed there, determined to finish his last year at Hogwarts, it was his only shot at becoming something. He was still shocked that Harry had talked at his trail, told them about how Draco had saved his life, protested that he was just a kid and deserved a second chance.

 

Draco’s heart had felt like it might burst. Even after everything that Draco had done to Harry, he was still a good enough person to stand up for him. Draco knew he didn’t deserve him as a soulmate, at all.

 

Eight year had barely started, and Draco had been avoiding people as much as possible. He was spat on and cursed, but there was nothing he could do. If he put one toe out of line, he would be joining his father, and that had been the last thing he wanted.

 

He was still receiving updates from Harry, although they were only once every one or two weeks now. It kept him going a lot of the time. It felt like there was at least one person that didn’t hate him. Even if the two of them avoided each other in real life. It was at least something.

 

He was pulled out of his musings when Weasley pushed past him. “Watch it, Malfoy.” He spit out. Draco refused to rise to the bait and instead silently stepped out of the way, keeping his head down. He was heading to the eight-year common room and so were the golden trio apparently, but Potter and Granger didn’t so much as spare him a glance.

  
He supposed things could’ve been worse.

 

He had gotten a room on his own, none of the other Slytherins other than him deciding to return. It was as nice as it was lonely. The silence killed him sometimes, but it was better than trying to sit in the common rooms.

 

He arrived at his room and shut the door behind him with a sigh. Today had been rough, the other students seemed angrier at him today, for whatever reason, and he had gotten hit by more curses than usual. He didn’t bother going to Pomfrey anymore, however. He wasn’t exactly welcome there either. So, he had learned healing spells on his own.

 

He was performing some minor healing spells on the bruises when he felt it, the familiar scratching on his arm. His breathing caught, and he closed his eyes. He still got excited every time, before his hope crashed after he realised he couldn’t reply.

 

After a few moments he rolled up his sleeve to read the message.

 

**I’ve been thinking about you a lot lately, about why you haven’t answered back. And the only explanation I can think of is that I either don’t have a soulmate or you’re dead. And I feel like I’m starting a new chapter in my life, with all the craziness left behind, or most of it at least. And I think it’s time I stopped writing. It’s been nice, but it hurts me every time I don’t get a reply. So I’ve decided it’s better if I stop. So, I guess this is goodbye.**

**-Harry**

 

Draco felt his breathing catch in his throat and he forgot how to breathe for a moment. He had known this day would come and he knew he was lucky it hadn’t been much sooner, but he couldn’t help how much it hurt.  
  
He didn’t want to lose this, this one thing that had been such a constant in his life ever since he’d turned eleven. Maybe he had had some foolish hope buried deep inside of him that somehow, he and Harry would end up together, but he knew that was stupid.

 

So why did it hurt so much?  
  
He had gotten too attached, that was the problem. He had gotten attached to Harry when he knew that Harry would reject him the moment that Draco told him who he was. He had been absolutely stupid. As a Malfoy, he should’ve known better than to let this happen.

 

He paused. But what could he say about being a Malfoy anymore? His name had lost all power it had had before. And with his mother and father not here anymore, what was the point in keeping up the morals that meant nothing anymore?

 

He spent another hour or two debating answering. He finally decided that his father wasn’t here to get mad at him anymore, his mother wasn’t here to try to get him to do what’s best, and there was no way he was going to get a nice pureblood girl to marry him after the war.

  
Then of course there was the fact that Harry was going to reject him, but the least he could do was try, to get some closure. Right? He took another half an hour convincing himself that he was about to do the right thing.

 

He spent some time after that deciding what to write and how to phrase everything, and he still wasn’t happy with how it came out, but it was something at least.

 

_Dear Harry,_

_I apologise for not being able to contact you until now. My circumstances have been far too complicated to write back until now. I hope you will be able to forgive me, although I understand if you cannot._

_-D_

 

His writing was as neat as always and he wondered if he sounded too formal and stiff, but shook it off. It was fine, it was all fine. Everything would turn out the way it had to. But he’ll withhold telling the other who he was for some while at least. The last thing he wanted was to scare him off straight away.

 

He resigned himself to waiting some time before the reply came, if any came at all. He pulled out his charms homework, an essay due three days from now and sat down to start writing. He was only a few sentences in however when a reply came.

 

**You answered, you actually answered. You won’t believe how happy I am right now. This is fantastic. I’ve been waiting years for this.**

**Can I ask what’s been so complicated? What’s stopped you from answering? I have so many questions for you.**

**-Harry**

 

Draco stared down at it, smiling ever so slightly, but it fell pretty quickly when he realised what the other was asking of him. He knew he had to be careful with answering this, he couldn’t give away who he was, not yet. He wanted to savour this.

 

_I couldn’t answer because of complications with my family. They’re very traditional and wouldn’t have been too happy to know that my soulmate is a guy, among other things, but let’s not dwell on that, shall we? I’d much prefer to not think about that at the moment._

_If you have questions you may ask._

_-D_

 

Draco worried at his bottom lip with his teeth, staring at his arm for a few moments before he went back to writing his essay. This time it took a bit longer for the response to come and he had to steel himself for whatever was to come. He was hoping for the best. He rolled down his sleeve again to read the message.

 

**Okay, so I’m assuming from that you’re a guy? I always thought I was bi, I guess now I’m sure.**

**Have you read all my messages? Like all of them? What’s your name? Where do you live? How old are you? How the hell is your writing so neat?**

**-Harry**

 

Draco smiled slightly at the questions. Feeling like an idiot to sit there alone, smiling like he was. There was anxiety and excitement bubbling up in his chest and he wasn’t sure which one was winning.

 

_Yes, I’m a guy._

_I’ve read every single one of your messages and to be honest with you, it was wonderful to be able to read them. You sound like a wonderful person._

_I think I should keep my name secret for now, I’ll tell you another time._

_I live in England._

_I’m the same age as you, just a few months younger._

_I had a private tutor when I was younger. It took a lot of practice._

_-D_

 

That wasn’t too much, was it? He was terrified of Harry figuring out who he was and immediately severing all contact and starting to become cruel. So far Harry had left him completely alone, and that was fine. It was better than being cursed and jinxed and shouted at.

 

**Oh, wow. I can’t believe I’m learning so much about you. It’s crazy to think you’re my soulmate, that I have one. I’m sorry, I’m still trying to wrap my head around it. You had a private tutor? Does that link to your parents being homophobic? Are you like really rich and your family is snobbish?  
Sorry, that might be a bit mean.**

**-Harry**

Draco managed to laugh softly, the corners of his lips tugging up. His heart ached and he wished, not for the first time, that he was someone other than Draco Malfoy. Surely Harry would’ve accepted him if he was some else, like Weaslette or even Longbottom. Anyone but a Malfoy.

 

He sighed and rubbed a hand over his face, willing the thoughts to go away. This was no time to be thinking about that. Rejection would come, of course, but there was nothing he could do to prevent that, for now he just had to enjoy it while he could. There was no use spoiling it yet.

 

_My parents are homophobic, yes. We are wealthy, or used to be, at least. Things changed a lot the last few years. Seeing that my mother and father are no longer being able to live with me and control my every move, I feel freer and I thought it was about time to talk to you._

_I apologise for taking so long, but I would’ve lost everything. Now however, I have nothing to lose._

_-D_

 

Draco stared down at his arm. It felt far too easy to share information with Harry. Maybe it was because in some way, he had seen Harry as, at least, a friend ever since he got that first message. Maybe it was because he felt distanced from the situation and it didn’t feel quite real. Either way, he was probably sharing too much, but he couldn’t help it. He wanted to tell Harry anything he wanted.

 

**Nothing to lose? Has the past few years really been that rough?**

**Well, I suppose mine have been too.**

**Well, I suppose mine have been too. Some pretty wild stuff happened, but I guess you read all about that when I told you. I’ve realised a lot of things too, about people and how things work. It’s strange, looking back and being more understanding and sympathetic.**  
  


**-Harry**

 

Draco stared at the words for quite some time, trying to figure out if it was meant towards him. Harry had seemed more understanding at the trail. He seemed like he didn’t hate Draco as much anymore. And maybe it was just wishful thinking, but he was pretty sur Harry had mostly forgiven him.

 

He made the resolution to talk to Harry about it, to thank him properly, if the opportunity came up. That would only be the polite thing to do, and Draco couldn’t resist the urge to talk to Harry in real life. It was tempting.   


They talked into the early hours of the morning, until Harry must’ve fallen asleep out of exhaustion and Draco followed soon after. For once, he didn’t have nightmares that night


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, idk how, but I managed to write another chapter... It's not as long as the first one, but I'm pretty damn proud of myself for writing so quickly... (Don't expect it to happen often though, I write pretty slow)

The opportunity to talk to Harry alone presented itself two weeks later. He and Harry had been talking constantly through messages, although Draco still made sure to only write when he was alone in his room. He wasn’t stupid after all. Harry seemed to be doing the same, probably not wanting to attract attention.

 

He had made sure not let anything slip about who he was. So far Harry didn’t even know he was a wizard. It was strange, to finally be talking to his soulmate. It wasn’t just a one-way conversation. He could make comments and tell a bit about himself. Harry seemed to enjoy it too, which was surprising, to say the least, but extremely nice.

 

And through the talking his resolution to talk to Harry and thank him properly just hardened. He had a small speech prepared in his mind and he had been hyping himself up for weeks now, ever since he had made the decision to do it.

 

He had seen Harry enter a half-hidden corridor alone and he had followed without thinking much. “Har-Potter!” He called out, taking faster strides to catch up a bit. “Hold up a moment.” He was closer to Harry now, fully in the corridor.

 

Harry turned around and in one swift motion his wand was out, pointed at Draco. “What do you want, Malfoy?” He spit out, glaring at the blond, obviously getting ready for a fight. The look in his eyes was almost scary, the hard edge it had taken, the same one it usually took when looking at Draco.

 

Really, it shouldn’t have come as a surprise to Draco. He knew their feud wasn’t gone, not really, but he had gotten so used to their talking, that he sometimes forgot Harry didn’t know it was him. It was painful to see the other like this.

 

Draco slowly raised his hands in surrender. “I just wanted to talk. That’s all.” Harry didn’t lower his wand and Draco shifted on his feet nervously. This wasn’t good, not at all. He didn’t like it, but he knew he should’ve expected this, his foolish brain just didn’t seem to think when it came to Harry anymore.

 

“Then talk.” Harry still didn’t lower his wand and Draco realised approaching him in a secret corridor where he was completely alone, had not been not the best idea. It was too late to take it back now, he supposed. He tugged self-consciously at his sleeves for a moment, especially his left one, before he began talking again.

 

“I just wanted to say thank you.” He felt his proud being wounded a bit, but if he was being honest, there wasn’t much of his pride left to begin with. He had lost that all the moment the war had been lost. So he swallowed down the last bit of his pride before he spoke again.

 

“For standing up for me at my trail, as well as Mother’s.” He watched the other for a moment before training his eyes on the floor. “I would’ve had much worse punishment if you hadn’t. So thank you.” He muttered.

  
It was dawning on him just how open he was being and a voice that sounded an awful lot like his father told him that he was being weak. And he wouldn’t have minded being so open in front of Harry, but this was Potter, and that was a completely different story.

 

Harry was silent for a few moments, before lowering his wand slightly. “Oh.” He said softly and Draco could see the gears turning in his head, before he shrugged. “Well it was only fair, you saved my life. It’s got nothing to do with you, Malfoy.”  
  
Harry narrowed his eyes. “This doesn’t make us friends or anything. I much prefer us ignoring each other, much more convenient, don’t you think?” He said, and it was more factual than insulting, but it still hurt like all hell to hear.

 

He nodded jerkily. “Of course. I simply wanted to thank you, Potter. Don’t let it go to your head.” He was proud of how steady and unaffected he sounded. Years of being a Malfoy payed off in some way after all, it seemed. At least there was something that that was good for.

 

Without another word, Draco turned on his heel and walked back the way he came, resisting the urge to look back. Of course Potter would think he just wanted to fight, and of course Potter wouldn’t want to be his friend in any way. It was to be expected, but that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt.

 

Once he had gotten to his room he had pulled out one of his essays and got busy writing, determined to try and distract himself. It wasn’t long however, before there was a scratching on his arm again. He took a few minutes before he dared look, his emotions still bouncing between hate and something that felt an awful lot like affection.

 

**I just had the weirdest encounter.**

**You remember Malfoy? I’ve mentioned him a few times before, I think. He just _thanked_ me for something. Can you believe that? It’s so weird. I swear he wants something. He wouldn’t have done it otherwise. He’s always just thinking about what’s best for him.**

**-Harry**

 

Draco sucked in a breath and stared at the words for some time. Right, of course. How could Harry think anything else? He was just _Malfoy_ after all. Just his nemesis and the person always looking to best Potter.

 

He couldn’t exactly blame Harry either, after how much shit he had put the other through in their years at Hogwarts. But that didn’t mean he didn’t wish he couldn’t change it. It was frustrating. He so often times wished he could start over.

 

 _Yeah, I remember him. Maybe it’s not weird. You said everything’s changed, maybe he has too? Maybe he’s changed too? You said that he’s had reasons for doing things before, didn’t you?_  
  
-D

 

He knew he shouldn’t be defending himself, knew he should’ve left it alone, but he couldn’t help it. He wanted Harry to see him in a good light. He didn’t want to be just the selfish prick who used to make his life hell. Even though he knew he had been for quite some time.

 

**I guess. And I know he deserves a second chance, but that doesn’t mean I like him by any means. And him talking to me in such a civil way is just weird, like completely unbelievable. Ron didn’t believe me when I told him.**

**I think he’s up to something. I don’t know what, but I’ll find out. If he doesn’t appreciate what he has then he’s just asking to lose it.**

**-Harry**

 

Draco stared down at the words for a few long minutes. He had thought -hoped- that Harry had forgiven him, but it seemed as though that was not the case.  He should’ve expected this, really. It should’ve been obvious that Harry would never forgive him.

 

Oh, it was going to be something when Harry found out the person he’s been talking to is Malfoy.

 

Draco considered what he should respond for quite some time, trying to figure out what was the best way to approach this. It was a difficult situation to find himself in. He couldn’t defend himself too much, then Harry would suspect something, but he also didn’t just want to leave it. He wanted Harry to like him.

 

_Maybe just give him a chance? What’s the worst that could happen?_

_Maybe he’s not as bad as he seems. Surely he has some good in him, right? No one is all bad._

_You should just give him a chance to prove himself._

_-D_

 

Draco only realised after he had written it how defensive he sounded. This was bad. If Harry somehow figured out that he was Malfoy, he really would be in big trouble. By the way he talked about Malfoy, it was obvious he didn’t like him, at all, no matter what Draco had hoped would happen.

 

He held his breath as he watched the next words appear on his arm.

 

**You don’t understand, he’s been such a prick his whole life long. He’s called my best friends terrible things, he’s been nothing but rude to me since the moment we met. He’s an absolute prick. He’s so self-righteous and narcissistic.**

**I know I stood up for him in the past, but that doesn’t mean I like him even slightly.**

**He does have good in him, I know that. But it’s pretty hard to forgive everything he’s done.**

 

**-Harry**

Draco stared at the message for a long time, his brain seemed to have stalled completely, almost come to stop. This was where the truth came out. It was only further proof that he would be rejected the moment Harry figured out who he was.

 

He let out a shaky breath and read the message a few times over again, analyzing each word until he practically knew it off by heart. He debated on what to answer, before deciding that there was nothing that he could say to that.

  
There was nothing he could say that wouldn’t show how hurt he was.

 

So he decided not to say anything. Saying something would only make things a thousand times worse and he wasn’t ready to tell the other who he was just yet. He was more than happy just staying in this bubble he had created where he could hope that one day he was going to tell Harry who he was and it would be fine.

 

So he rolled his sleeve back down and sat down to work on some homework, ignoring the urge to answer back. He focused on his homework for the rest of the night, ignoring the scratching that came later on, for the first time not reading it. He worked until he passed out and had nightmares. He barely slept that night, but he still didn’t check his arm.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for all the kudos and comments! It really makes my day, it's so nice  
> I hope you guys enjoy this chapter!

When Draco woke up it was early, and he was tired as can be, with dark circles under his eyes and his hair sticking everywhere. Luckily he had the time to take his time getting ready, using a small concealing charm for the bags under his eyes and raking a comb through his hair, not bothering to gel it back anymore, it seemed so pointless now.

 

He kept glancing at his arm the whole time, hoping for a new message from Harry, the ones he ignored had long since disappeared and he was left with no clue what the other had said. He hoped the other wasn’t mad at him for ignoring him and he hoped that the other wouldn’t suspect anything amiss.

 

He froze midway through brushing his teeth when there was a scratching on his arm again, relief flooding through him. That was a good sign, hopefully. It meant that the other wasn’t ignoring him back at least.  Once he was done, he moved back into his room, where he sat down on his bed, rolling up his sleeve.

 

**I hate having class so early in the mornings.  
And I’m not even going to use the class for what I want to do. It’s so frustrating. I suck at the class too, so no wonder I don’t like it. It’s a miracle I don’t bash my head in because of it.**

**-Harry**

 

Draco smiled at the message. He knew they had potions together next. Draco already knew all the work, so he spent more time than he would admit watching Harry out of the corner of his eye. Pansy had always called him obsessed. He wasn’t, but he had plenty of reason to stare longingly, just that nobody else knew it.

 

Which he supposed in turn made him look obsessed for no reason. At least now, after all those years he had gotten better at hiding it. Now he tried to attract as little attention to him as possible. Attention only meant bad news these days, so he avoided it at all cost. He pulled himself back to the matter at hand and wrote back.

 

_Such a shame. I’m sorry you have to sit through it and actually learn something._

_All that education is going to waste on you._

_But I suppose I can see why you wouldn’t enjoy the class though, if you you’re not interested in the subject and you’re not going to use it._

_What do you plan on doing someday then? You sound like you know._

_-D_

 

It felt good to know the other wasn’t mad at him for not replying and it felt even better to have the whole ‘Malfoy’ situation put behind them. The last thing he wanted was for Harry to get through his defenses again, the walls he built.

 

**I just don’t need it, that’s all. I’m still grateful to be here after everything that happened and I know I need to finish my education, but that doesn’t mean I’m happy about it.**

**I do know. Everyone expects me to go into a security-type job, but with all the fighting I’ve done throughout my life, I’m just tired. I’ve been thinking of becoming a teacher.**

**What do you want to do someday?**

**-Harry**

 

Draco blinked at the words on his arm. Harry wanted to be a _teacher_. It was strange, but somehow, he could clearly picture it. He bet Harry would make a great teacher. Kids would adore him. He wondered what the other would teach? Would it even be here at Hogwarts?

 

He wrote back without thinking too much about it. He knew exactly what he wanted to do. He didn’t know if he’d be able to, with all he obstacles inn his way, but he’d try.

 

_Strange, but I can see you as a teacher, from what I know about you, you sound like you’d be a great one._

_I want to do something with potions. It has always been my strong suite and I really enjoy it. Maybe own my own shop or work somewhere else. I don’t really care, as long as I get to do potions._

_-D_

 

He knew it would be difficult, how could it not be after what he had done? With the mark on his arm that had now faded to a dull grey. Nobody trusted or wanted him, and with good reason. It only made sense. But that didn’t mean he hasn’t changed or that he wasn’t spectacular at it.

 

The reply came just as he was about to stand up and finish getting ready.

 

**You’re a wizard? You said potions. That’s definitely a wizard thing.**

**I can’t believe it. You just keep on surprising me. I suppose you won’t tell me who you are yet? Or even if you go to Hogwarts? That’s where I am.**

**Wait, do you know who I am?**

**-Harry**

 

Draco cursed silently to himself, he shouldn’t have been so careless. It was just so easy to talk to the other, confess things that he rarely said, and even then only to his close friends and maybe his mother. Harry made it easy to share. He hated and loved it at the same time.

 

He swallowed at the lump in his throat. He hoped this wasn’t to blow up in his face already. He had hoped that he could keep this going a bit longer, to keep Harry a bit longer.

 

_Yes, I’m a wizard._

_No, I’m not at Hogwarts, I go to Durmstrang._

_Yes, I do know who you are, I figured it out some time ago. Harry Potter, correct?_

_-D_

 

That had been the first direct lie he’s told, the only time he’s lied instead of just avoiding the truth. But he had no other options. If he told him he’s at Hogwarts he would slowly be able to cancel everyone else and figure out it was Malfoy he was talking to. The thought of rejection left a lump in his throat.

 

**Oh, wow. Okay, this is unexpected.**

**I was preparing to explain what magic is to a muggle, and all the things I had to do.**

**Does that mean you knew what was happening all that time? And that I was fighting Voldemort?**

**-Harry**

 

Draco felt his skin burn and crawl where the Dark Lord’s name was written on his skin. He could swear he saw the snake move ever so slightly, even though he knew that could only be his imagination. He felt sick to his stomach and he closed his eyes for a few moments to take a few deep breaths.

 

He only heard that name a handful of times and each time it had made his skin crawl. To see the name written on his skin however, it brought him back to the time he had received the mark. He knew Harry was bold enough to use it, that didn’t mean it didn’t make fear coil up in his stomach.

 

When he finally opened his eyes, his hands were clenched into fists and he opened them to reveal the tiny crescent moons his nails had dug into his skin. He took a couple of shaky breaths, before replying, trying his best to forget the name that had been on his skin. He didn’t like it one bit.

 

_Yes, I knew all the time that you were fighting against him._

_Don’t worry, I was rooting for you the whole time. I’m very happy with the way things had turned out. You didn’t deserve to die._

_I heard a lot of stories about the final battle, I hadn’t been there myself though._

_-D_

 

Draco took another few calming breaths. It was fine, it was all fine. Except it wasn’t, because by now he should’ve been over this, he shouldn’t still be waking up with nightmares and his hands should definitely not start shaking at any mention of the war or when he focused on his mark.

 

He headed back to the bathroom to splash his face with cold water, willing his breathing back under control. He had class soon. And he couldn’t be losing control so easily either. He couldn’t let anyone know that they got through the cracks in his armor.

  
He was a Malfoy after all. How many times before had he wished that he had been anyone else but a Malfoy? If he hadn’t been a Malfoy, he wouldn’t have been a Death Eater. If he hadn’t been a Malfoy, he would’ve been able to tell Harry who he was. If he hadn’t been a Malfoy, he wouldn’t have been such a mess and so good at hiding it.

 

**I’m glad you were rooting for me. You don’t resent me for it, though? A lot of people are mad, they think I should’ve done it sooner.**

**Honestly, being Harry Potter isn’t nearly as glamourous as it seems.**

**-Harry**

 

Draco managed to let out a humourless chuckle. He could imagine it was bad to have all that pressure on you and to have people either hate you or worship you with few inbetween. But it still couldn’t be as bad as what he went through, surely. Draco was being cursed and hexed on a daily basis.

  
But then again, he supposed that he had at least had a nice childhood with a family that loved him and wanted the best for him. He also didn’t have to go through all those difficulties in the first few years of his life at Hogwarts.

  
He decided that they had it equally bad, just in different ways. And Harry didn’t deserve what Draco got, he was too good for that. He let out a small sigh before replying.

 

_I don’t resent you. I think what you did was fantastic. You really did save so many people._

_And I can imagine, nothing is ever as glamourous as it seems. But at least it sounds like you have friends who love and support you now._

_-D_

 

Draco knew first hand that nothing was ever as glamourous as it seemed. Even his younger years weren’t as fantastic and perfect he had tried to make it seem. His parents fought a lot when they thought Draco couldn’t hear them. He was pretty sure they both wished that they had rather married their soulmates, but knew it was for the best that they didn’t. They had tried so hard to make it work.

 

And all the pressure on him. He constantly needed to be the best. He needed to be absolutely perfect. It had been draining on him. And on top of all that, he had had a soulmate he could never have and had to ignore through everything as well as keep him hidden.

  
Yes, things were never as good as it seemed.

 

**Yes, I have that now at least. And people are giving me some slack to recover from everything.**

**But, I have to go to class now, I’ll talk to you later today.**

**You know, it’s great to find out more about you. You seem really nice.**

**-Harry**

Draco wished people were as understanding with him. He needed to recover plenty too. You didn’t live in a house with the Dark Lord in without suffering some serious danger. But he supposed it was what he deserved. Harry deserved the best, he had given up so much for a good cause. Draco on the other hand, deserved only the worst. And he realised that. All of this was his own fault, it was his punishment for the evil he had done.

 

And that included Harry hating him.

 

_Talk to you later, enjoy your classes of staring off and doing nothing._

_-D_

 

He managed to smile slightly to himself, rolling his sleeve back down. He knew it was selfish, and he knew he shouldn’t be doing it, but he was going to keep the secret for a while now. He needed this one good thing in his life for a while.


	4. Chapter 4

Draco was always careful not to be impulsive these days. It was dangerous to do anything on a whim. He couldn’t afford to take a risk and slip up. It would land him in the same place his father currently was and that was the last thing he needed.

 

So, he always made sure the think a decision through. It was safer that way and therefor better. He couldn’t afford to mess up the one last chance he had after every awful thing he had done.

 

That didn’t mean he always managed to do that. Usually when that happened, as often before the war too, was when Potter was involved. It was always around the brunet that he lost any rationality he had. It was absolutely horrible.

 

This happened again in a potions period a while later. The professor had told them that they had to partner up for the next project. It was an easy one, to Draco at least. He would’ve been able to make it years ago. But he wasn’t about to point that out, not any time soon.

 

So, on an impulse he decided to move, sitting down next to Harry, starting to take out a parchment and quill to take notes which he wouldn’t need. At the time, he hadn’t been thinking, not really. Talking to Harry was a normal thing, but he forgot that Potter only saw him as Malfoy and not his soulmate in real life.

 

He had a habit of confusing the two sometimes. It was easy to get lost in the idea that Harry liked him and was more than just civil towards him. That they could almost be considered friends, hopefully to become more. It was always a painful shock to realize and there had been times when there had been some close slip ups.

 

Harry had looked up sharply as he sat down, frowning deeply. “What are you doing, Malfoy?” He practically hissed out. “I thought we agreed that we’re not friends and that it’s much better to just ignore each other.”

 

Draco felt dread begin to settle in his stomach, starting to regret the decision almost immediately, He decided that he would push on with his decision and not back away. It was too late now, and whatever he wanted to believe, he still had some Malfoy proud left in him.

 

“I’m going to be your partner, Potter. I thought that much was obvious. Merlin knows you need any help you can get.” He bit back, pulling up every wall he could manage and definitely not staring at those perfect eyes and wondering how they could look this good, especially up close.

 

Harry glared at him. “I don’t need your help Malfoy, you can very kindly piss off.” He furiously whispered again, his frown deepening. It was very obvious that Harry wanted absolutely nothing to do with him and Draco did his best not to let it get to him. He was absolutely not going to let it get to him, he couldn’t allow that.

 

So he sneered, crossing his arms over his chest. “Well, with who else are you planning to pair, Potter? Because it seems everyone else in the class is taken.” He gestured to the class, noticing the pairs. Everyone had paired up and anyone who might’ve wanted to pair up with the Harry Potter, had had to find someone else when Draco had paired up with him without hesitation.

 

Harry’s stare intensified and if Draco wasn’t so experienced with facing looks like those he might’ve hesitated. But he was experienced with it, and so he merely glared back, his walls pulling up further. This wasn’t good, but he was committed to it now, there was no taking it back. “I don’t need your help.”

 

As Draco seemed to always do around Harry, he spoke without thinking. He knew a lot about the other and he knew where to hit. “Oh yes, sill me for forgetting that you can just get into any place you want to without any effort. The great Harry Potter is too good for something like potions, isn’t he?” He bit out, pulling his best sneer. He knew Harry resented the fact that he was treated differently, hated that he appreciated it sometime.

 

He knew he had hit the mark however when he saw a flash of something on the other’s face, gone too quickly to properly decipher. Harry was practically fuming now. “Well I’d watch my step if I were you, Malfoy. There’s a spot waiting for you in Azkaban after all if you so much as put a toe out of line.”  
  
This one hit Draco hard. He knew this, he knew that if Harry decided to corner him after class and hex him into oblivion, he wouldn’t be able to fight back at all. Hurting another student was off limits, much less thee Harry Potter. The brunet was right, he had no choice. If Harry was to threaten him, he would have no choice but to do whatever he says. After all, if Harry decided to talk to the ministry, then he would be done for.

 

He sucked in a breath and his walls must’ve fallen for a moment because suddenly Harry just shook his head. “Fine, be my partner. Just don’t screw it up and don’t you dare say another word that’s not about potions.”

 

Draco didn’t know if he should be relieved or not. He wanted to believe the other was starting to forgive him a little, but he knew that that wasn’t about to happen soon. He was screwed. He didn’t know what he was going to do. How did a person mess up so badly that even their soulmate hated them? Of all people, they were supposed to be there for you, unconditionally. He had really fucked up everything.

 

He rubbed his temples, willing the headache away as he turned his attention to the board where the professor was busy writing notes. He dutifully wrote them down, even though he knew he had no use for them. He could’ve done this in his sleep. It wasn’t even enough to keep him busy and to keep his mind from wondering.

 

His mind kept wondering. His life was a wreck and he was desperately trying to keep it together, he knew. He had lost almost everything, he hasn’t talked to his mother since school started, his friends barely speak to him, his soulmate hates him.  
  
He had messed everything up. If he had just refused the mark, then this would’ve been so much easier, but he and his family could also be dead. It was a proper wreck. If only he had been born anything other than a Malfoy. Hell, being born a mudblood or even a muggle would’ve been better. His whole life had been ruined.

 

He had everything planned for him before, now he had nothing. There was no chance of redeeming his name, at best he’ll have a shitty job that barely pays anything, his soulmate will forever hate him. It really was a mess and he was just trying to make it seem like it wasn’t.

 

And on top of all that were the people that took out their frustrations on him. He had learned more healing spells and counter spells in the last couple of months than he had in his whole life. It was truly awful.

 

He had never felt this alone.

 

But he knew that was what he deserved, after all he had done. He had almost killed a man, he had taken up the Dark Mark, he had followed the Dark Lord. It was all his fault. His reasons for doing what he did was no excuse. He deserved this.

 

He was snapped out of his thoughts by the period ending and he packed up quickly, wanting to get away as quickly as possible to get away from the mass of people. If he just disappeared into a hidden corridor there were less chances of him getting hurt.

 

Harry walked past him however, bumping into him ever so slightly, that he almost lost his balance. It wasn’t that bad, not really. He’s had far worse, but somehow that hurt more than any curse from someone else would’ve.

 

He hurried up nonetheless, dreading the complaints about Malfoy he would get from Harry later. He could think of few things worse than hearing from your soulmate how much they hate you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry for the long wait, this is going to be pretty common since it's not vacation anymore. So I apologise for that, but unfortunately this has to be placed second.   
> I hope you guys enjoyed this however!


	5. Chapter 5

Draco had been sitting in the library, reading up on some work for a potion he wanted to make to help with the pain of curses, when someone approached him. He had barely heard the footsteps before a dreamy voice behind him spoke. “Your hair looks lovely like this.”

 

Draco swirled around, realising with relief that it was only Lovegood. What she had said seemed to have registered and he frowned slightly at her, trying to figure out if it was a genuine compliment or simply her way of insulting her. Was she talking about how he wore his hair these days?

 

However, before he could answer or question, she was peaking over his shoulder to look at the book in his hands. “This isn’t the potions book that we should be using.” She commented and Draco’s mouth fell open slightly, he had no idea what exactly to say to her.

 

She had always been a mystery to everyone, or at least everyone he’d ever spoken to about her. She had never been mean, however, which made him relax ever so slightly. The last thing he wanted was for him to be banned out of the library for making a ruckus.

 

“No, it’s not.” He glanced at the book in his hands as he spoke. He looked back up when the other moved to sit down next to him at the table. “I’m doing some extra research for some projects of mine.” He hoped she would leave it at that, he had no desire to explain to her, or anyone really, that he was trying to make stronger potions for the spells that were being thrown at him.

 

Her eyes seemed to twinkle at him, and he resisted the urge to fiddle with something. “I suppose there are more books about damaging potions rather than healing potions at the Manor.” She spoke and he blinked at her, before realisation sunk in. She had been there before, she had been held captive in the basement for so long, tortured.

 

He felt himself pale, nervousness rising in his throat. Out of everyone, she was one of those that deserved most to hurt him. He closed the book, moving to clasp his hands in his lap to keep the shaking from being visible. He knew Lovegood wasn’t a bad person, through everything she had always been nice to everyone, even him. But everyone had their limits and surely she had reached hers after the war.

 

He knew he would deserve whatever she was going to do or say to him, so he wasn’t going to run. He was going to take whatever anyone decided to throw at him with pride. Or as much pride as he could muster at least. “Yes, there aren’t many books on healing potions.”

 

Luna tilted her head slightly the side, watching him carefully. She didn’t look angry but looks could be deceiving, he knew that. Finally, after a silence that had seemed to spread decades, she spoke again, her voice still soft and dreamy as always. “You look lonely these days. Everyone is awfully rude towards you.” It was a statement, not an insult, but not pity either.

 

Still, it wasn’t nice to hear. He knew that everyone hated him or at best tolerated him. He didn’t think people ever noticed him anymore enough to say things like that. Usually, when they noticed him it was always about who he used to be or his faults, never how he felt. No one ever cared either. But to hear that someone could see he was lonely, could see through his walls, that hurt.

 

He took a deep breath, before forcing a small, polite smile. “Well, yes. I deserve it.” He cleared his throat. “Is there anything I can do for you, Lovegood?” He just wanted to get all of this over with and continue with his research, from what he had read so far the potions he needed took some time to brew and it had some ingredients he’d have to somehow get his hands on. So he needed to get started as soon as possible.

 

She smiled at him, soft and caring almost. It was very strange and he wondered for a moment if there was something dark hidden inside her that she was about to unleash, but she didn’t. She simply nodded before speaking again, her voice still airy. “There’s a Hogsmeade weekend coming up soon. I thought it might be nice to go with you.”

  
He stared at her in shock. She wanted him to go to Hogsmeade with him? The thought was absurd and surely she was playing a trick on him. Maybe this was Harry’s doing. Yet, after a few moments passed and nothing happened, he frowned slightly, finally fiddling slightly with the hem of his sleeve. “Why would you want to go to Hogsmeade with me?”

 

She smiled gently and shrugged. “I thought it might be nice to have a friend, Draco. We could go get some sweets and something to drink. It’ll be lovely.” The way she said it was so believable and Draco wanted to believe her so badly it almost hurt.

  
He wanted a friend, almost more than anything. Could he risk getting hurt for one weekend? For a few moments of pretending that he wasn’t completely alone. He bit back a sigh, chewing at the inside of his cheek. Luna seemed unaffected by how long it was taking him to make a decision, instead staring out the window as she waited for a reply.

 

Finally, he nodded and her smile widened slightly. “Alright, we can go.” If she was being genuine it was the least he could do. Although she wasn’t hated, Draco knew she wasn’t exactly popular either. He wouldn’t have even spoken to her before everything that happened, but now his perspective had changed a bit, and he could imagine she’d be a nice friend if they even became friends.

 

She seemed to brighten up after a moment of thinking. “If you need help getting some ingredients I’ll do my best to try if people don’t want to help you.” He felt more shocked by the second because of her. He couldn’t imagine what brought this on, but if she was willing to help him, how could he refuse it? He needed everything he could get.

 

“Thank you.” He said softly, his smile more genuine this time. She hadn’t just talked about going to Hogsmeade together, she had talked about being friends, something which he never thought he would have in his eight-year there. Sure, he still had Pansy and Blaise, but they were busy and rarely found time to send letters, or that’s what they said at least. Either way, it would be good to have a friend, now he just had to hope that it wasn’t a prank.

 

He heard the trio as the rounded the corner in the back of the library, they were talking softly but he could recognise Harry’s voice anywhere. He didn’t turn around, didn’t want to see the looks they will give him.  He always sat in the back of the library where few people ever came for a reason.

 

He heard them stop dead in their tracks and Lovegood slowly looked towards them, a smile spreading on her face, not unlike the one she was giving him earlier. Ron was the first to speak, “Luna? What are you doing here? With him?” He didn’t bother hiding the hatred in his voice. Draco knew he deserved it, he had never done anything but hurt Weasley.

 

He would say he was almost used to it by now, but anything Harry said still hurt him. Luna didn’t seem deterred by it. “We’re just discussing Hogsmeade weekend plans.” She seemed calm and like she wasn’t facing the golden trio’s wrath. But then again, she wasn’t facing it, he was.

 

“Fucking Malfoy.” He heard Harry mutter under his breath. Slowly he gathered al his courage and turned around in his chair to look at them. “What are you doing to Luna?” He made the real message clear in his voice. ‘Nobody would want to go to Hogsmeade with you and you’re obviously planning something.’ The unsaid message fizzed through the air and he pretended it didn’t it hit him full force in the chest.

 

The trio was glaring at him, pinning him down. Granger stood closer to Luna, putting a hand on her shoulder. She was obviously trying to persuade Lovegood to leave him. It made him feel incredibly lonely all of a sudden.

 

Harry pulled out his wand and Draco fought the urge to either run or to grab his wand. He stayed still instead, watching the trio with narrowed eyes. Harry took a step forward, gritting his teeth. “You should stay the fuck away from Luna, do you hear me?”

 

Draco felt his heart sink into his shoes and a lump form in his throat. Somehow, he managed to sneer, sitting straighter and resisting the urge to bolt completely. He was not going to show him they could get the best of him. “I didn’t approach her, she approached me.” He hissed out, standing up. “And maybe you shouldn’t make other people’s decisions for him. You might be the bloody chosen one, but that doesn’t mean you have a say over everything.”

 

He turned around, which he knew was a bad idea -you never turn your back to a wand pointed at you- but what did it matter in any case? It’s not like he could fight back. He started packing away his books, throwing them haphazardly into his bag.

 

“Malfoy, I swear-“ Harry was cut off by Luna, who still spoke in her dreamy voice, seemingly unaware of the fight happening right in front of her. “Draco didn’t do anything wrong. We’re friends now, aren’t we, Draco?”  
  
It was nice to hear that, to hear his actual name and the word friends and he thought he might pull Luna into a tight hug and never let her go. Instead, he hooked his bag over his shoulder and glared at the trio. “Check her for any spells you want, I didn’t cast anything. And next time, maybe try not losing your bloody heads over someone being civil towards me.”

 

He took a deep breath and shook his head, before turning around and stomping out of the library. He’d handle Harry’s ramblings about ‘Malfoy’ later, for now, he needed to go see Uncle Severus and complain about Potter like he used to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back!(kinda, not really) Because life is super busy and posts will be erratic at best of times. So I apologise, but unfortunately, I can't do anything about it. But, I hope you guys enjoyed it! Sorry I couldn't just make one completely happy chapter.


	6. Chapter 6

It was Saturday night and the eight years were throwing an extremely loud party in the common room, of which everyone but Draco was invited to, of course. Not that that mattered, or so he kept trying to tell himself. He had too much work in any case.

  
Of course Luna had stopped by earlier with some theories about some creature that he was almost certain of didn’t exist, but he listened in any case. It was nice to be around Luna, extremely soothing. He wasn’t about to complain, no matter what she talked about.

 

She’d been spending more time with him. She stopped by very inconsistently, coming and going. But he was more than happy to see her whenever she walked in. It was a nice distraction and she was pleasant to be around. It was nice to feel like he had a friend. It was absolutely brilliant actually.

 

So, no, he wasn’t about to complain any time soon. She was a very welcome and much-needed distraction.

 

After she left he had thrown himself into his work as he always did these days. He only realised long after midnight that the party had calmed down to almost silence. He was stumbling to bed, hoping that he wouldn’t have too many nightmares, he’s been running out of Dreamless Sleep.

 

It was once he fell into bed that the scratching on his arm came. He scrambled to turn the light back on. Even after all this time his heartbeat still picked up and he still got excited whenever he felt the familiar feeling on his arm.

 

**So, fair warning, I’m slightly drunk at the moment. Or, more tipsy than anything. But that’s besides the point, really.**

**Or maybe that’s exactly the point. I’m not sure.**

**What I’m trying to say is that we need to talk. Although it’s only good things, I promise.**

**-Harry**

 

 

Draco smiled fondly at the words, running his thumb over them. Harry really could be so sweet if he wanted to be, key words being ‘if he wanted’. Since their fight Harry hadn’t so much as looked at him, but Draco supposed that in the current situation it was the best he could ask for.                         

 

Still his heart sank a bit too at the words. Talking about something was always bad news, or most of the time. He was terrified of what it could mean. Maybe Harry was only saying that to placate him. Still, he took a deep breath and replied, no use in prolonging the inevitable.

 

_Warning dully noted. What do you need to talk about?_

_-D_

 

He wasn’t ready for this, not nearly. Taking a deep breath and leaned back in his bed. It was going to be fine. It was all going to be fine. Although there were too many scenarios running through his head of how it could be wrong. Of how Harry found out who he is even if he’s been super careful. Of how Harry doesn’t want to talk to him anymore. And it was all so stupid and irrational. But he couldn’t help it.

 

**I can see why we’re soulmates. You’re amazing. The best. Absolutely brilliant.**

**And no, it’s not the alcohol talking. I just wanted to tell you, have for a while now. You’re really nice to talk to and you’re the highlight of my day a lot of the time. Your commentary is really nice too.**

**\- Harry**

 

Draco felt his heart stop and then restart at ten times the speed. Did Harry just say that? It made his stomach flutter in a way that he absolutely hated. There was no way the other was going to say the same thing after he found out who Draco really was. Absolutely no way. The thought brought him down from the happ feeling quite quickly.

 

He rubbed a hand over his face, willing himself to think. He needed to tell Harry, and soon. The longer he kept up this façade, the madder his soulmate was going to be when he found out. It was scary, but he’d have to do it, the sooner the better. Even if he didn’t want to. It was horrid really. He wished he could just live in this perfect bubble where Harry could see why they were soulmates and give him compliments and didn’t hate him with every fibre of his being.

 

He just has to tell him, somehow, no matter how difficult it was going to be. He needed to man up and tell Harry they were soulmates. He couldn’t prolong it any longer, that would just be disastrous.

 

_There’s something I need to te_

 

No, bad idea, he couldn’t do it over messages. He scratched it out and began from the beginning, hoping Harry would have had enough alcohol not to question any of this.

 

_~~There’s something I need to te~~ _

_I can see why we’re soulmates too. You’re brilliant, better than anyone I could ever ask for or deserve._

_You’re the highlight of my day and there were a lot of times the messages you sent me kept me going through all the hard times. It was difficult, but thanks to you I could do it. Somehow._

_You really are amazing._

_-D_

 

Sure, he wasn’t always the nicest by any stretch But to the people he didn’t hate, it was true that he was a brilliant person. Even after everything, Draco didn’t think he could ever see Harry as a bad person. He deserved it, after all. Draco deserved every single bad thing that’s been done to him, everything, if not even more than that. He knew that.

 

That didn’t mean it hurt any less.

 

He took a deep breath, laying down on his bed and closing his eyes. Different reactions that Harry could have to finding out. From disbelief, to anger, to hatred. And, irrationally, to acceptance and love. But he pushed that thought down immediately. There was no way that was going to happen, no matter how much he wanted it to. He didn’t deserve that and on top of that, Harry hated him. Not even mentioning how damaging that would be to Harry’s reputation.

 

**You know, most times when people say things like that I have a hard time believing them. But with you it really seems genuine. Because I know you know so much about me.  
It really is kind of unbelievable, to think that someone could know me that well and still think so highly of me. It’s weird, to say the least. Usually when people get to know me, they don’t like me.**

**-Harry**

 

Draco felt his heart sink slightly. Of course it was that way, of course Harry felt like a disappointment. Mostly because people have too high expectations of Harry. They expect him to be perfect. Obviously people are disappointed to realise Harry’s actually a human being. What a shocker.

 

_Don’t let what people expect of you get the better of you, you can’t be perfect. You’re just human, you know? It’s natural to not be perfect. I just think you’re a great person and you deserve more than what you’ve gone through._

_You really do deserve a lot of good things._

_-D_

More good things than Draco would ever be able to give him, just another reason why Draco would never be good enough for Harry. He deserved so much better than scum like him. He deserved so many good things in Draco’s opinion. Draco wasn’t and never will be one of those things. And he was pretty sure Harry realised that even if he didn’t know they were soulmates.

 

He shifted around to get comfortable as he waited for a reply, but it never came. Harry probably fell asleep, he could imagine he had a rough night partying. So he had no way to distract himself anymore.

 

He pressed at his eyes with the palms of his hands. He wasn’t going to be able to sleep tonight, was he?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed that! So so sorry for the massive wait and that it's such a short chapter, but I've been struggling a lot to balance things and still have energy, I will try to be more diligent when it comes to writing  
> Other than that, hope you enjoyed reading some angsty Draco!  
> Thanks so much for all the support as well <3


	7. Chapter 7

Draco had made a habit of walking by the great lake some night when he couldn’t sleep. When it was dark and stars were out, the whole world illuminated by the soft moonlight.  It was beautiful and peaceful. It was the one time of day when he could be outside without being afraid of people hexing him.

 

There was of course still a curfew, but no one really cared about what the 8th years did. So Draco had no trouble getting out of the dorms and out of the castle. The cold air was nipping at him and he wished he had grabbed a scarf, but he was too far out to turn back now.  
  
What he was not expecting however was to see a figure under a tree. He hated that he could recognise the person so easily. The wild hair and slouched posture. He wanted nothing more than to ask Harry why he was up at this time and how he could help, even though he knew exactly why. Harry told him a lot over messages, everything from his nightmares to his worries to his panic attacks.

 

He stood there for a few moments, watching the silhouette as he tried to build up the courage to go closer. But he had made up his mind after their conversation, where Harry had confessed to liking him. There was no backing out now. Finally, he headed near, sitting down silently next to Harry. The brunet jumped, his hand flying to the wand in his lap. He gripped it with white knuckles, watching Draco carefully. He was obviously wary, ready for a fight.

 

Draco didn’t react, simply leaning against the trunk, closing his eyes. This wasn’t going to be easy, not nearly. Still, he had a self-inking quill in his hands, fiddling with it. He had it in case Harry needed any more proof than Draco telling him things only they would know. He let out a sigh, opening his eyes and turning his head to look at Harry.

 

“Har-“ He corrected himself almost immediately. “Potter. There’s something I need to tell you.” Harry raised an eyebrow and Draco could see his grip hadn’t loosened on the wand. Not good, not at all. But he’d take whatever he could get at this point. “I know who your soulmate is.”

 

This got Harry’s attention. He narrowed his eyes, his grip tightening ever further on his wand. He could see the tenseness in the other, his whole stance aching to one of mistrust as he seemed to get ready to hex him into next week. After a few moments of terrible silence, Harry sneered. “Spit it out then.”

 

Draco swallowed at the lump in his throat. He opened his mouth before closing it again, trying to build up the courage to say those few words, _it’s me._ It was terrifying, staring into Harry’s cold eyes and knowing he was going to be rejected, even though he hoped for the opposite. He could only hope that Harry would at the very least give him a chance. He doubted that would happen.

 

Harry might think his soulmate was amazing, but Malfoy? Malfoy was a completely different story. Malfoy was a Death Eater, a bully and a prick. Harry hated Malfoy. Which wasn’t exactly uncommon. Loads of people hated him, but his own soulmate hating him, that was something much worse.

 

“I-“ Draco cut himself off again and Harry seemed to be getting impatient. So instead he rolled up his sleeve -the right one, he would never want to show the faded mark on his left arm- and fiddled with the quill in his hand. He glanced at Harry, who seemed even more confused now.

 

His hand was shaking slightly and he hated that, but there was nothing he could do about that. Slowly he wrote.

 

_Hi._

 

This time he didn’t sign it as always and it came out a lot shakier than usual, but that was fine. It was all fine. It wasn’t like he was going to be rejected by his soulmate. He almost laughed at his own false hope. He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath before looking at Harry. He was staring at his wrist own with wide eyes, understanding dawning on his face. A bunch of emotions crossed over his face, most of which Draco couldn’t identify.

 

Just when Draco was about to say something the brunet looked sharply up at him and Draco felt his throat constrict. The look on the other’s face was one of pure anger. “Is this sick trick you’re pulling Malfoy? Because I don’t think it’s fucking funny.”

  
Draco’s heart stuttered and he took a shaky breath. “It’s not-“ But Harry interrupted him again, his voice growing in volume. He was glad he confronted Harry outside, alone, in the middle of the night and not in the castle where everyone surely would’ve heard. Then, once again, if Harry hexes him, he could be left there, alone in the cold until someone stumbles upon him and is nice enough to help.

 

“No. I don’t want you as a soulmate.” Draco’s heart stopped, he was sure of it. His breathing caught and he was clutching the quill in his hands so tightly he almost expected it to snap.  “You’re not my soulmate. My soulmate isn’t an asshole like you.” He had expected this, he knew, but that didn’t seem to soften the blow at all.

 

Harry’s knuckles were white around the wand. “You’re just like your parents.” Draco felt like the wind had been punched out of him. Harry knew how he felt about his parents, even if it was just to a certain extent. “You’re a Death Eater. You bullied me for years.”  


The other took a deep breath, his anger seeming to only grow. “You’re a prick and I could never see myself with someone like you.” He could see Harry was practically shaking with anger, his whole body tense and ready for a fight that Draco wasn’t going to give.

  
“Harry, please, listen to me-“ Harry stood up, pointing his wand at Draco and Draco wanted nothing more than to break down, than to beg Harry for his forgiveness. But he couldn’t, not in front of anyone. He’d do that in the safety of his dorm, later, probably after Harry had hexed him so badly it hurt to move.

 

He was half expecting a hex, but instead, Harry raised his voice even further. “You have no fucking right to call me that! I don’t want to talk to you ever again. You’re going to stay far away from me.” Harry took a deep breath, lowering his wand slightly. “I don’t want someone like you as my soulmate and as far as I’m concerned, the universe made a mistake when it linked us together. So you can fuck off.”

 

With that Harry turned on his heel, stomping away towards the castle. Draco stared until he couldn’t see Harry’s figure in the darkness anymore. After that he curled up slightly, his whole body feeling numb. He couldn’t feel the cold anymore. He was fairly certain he was crying as well, but of that, he wasn’t sure.

 

All he could think about where Harry’s cold eyes and how he spit out the words. Harry had been furious. He had been expecting rejection, but he hadn’t been expecting it quite so harshly. The words were banging around in his skull and he couldn’t get his breathing under control.

 

The only sounds were his harsh, rapid breathing and the repeating of everything Harry had said. No, this wasn’t his Harry, this was Potter. How could he ever have been so foolish as to think that the other would ever want him? Someone like Harry deserved better than a Death Eater. Harry had been right about everything he had said.

 

He looked down at his shaking hands and the broken quill he held in them. He flung the quill into the lake, as if it was the quill’s fault. Like it wasn’t all his, like this wasn’t all the consequences of years of being an arse to everyone.

 

He took a few deep breaths, trying to calm himself down, but it wasn’t working. He had prepared himself for this, dammit. He was prepared for this reaction. So why did it hurt so fucking much? It felt like Harry had ripped his heart out and stomped on it repeatedly.

 

He spent a lot of time there, in the cold, crying and gasping for air until there was nothing to do but to stare blankly at the lake. It was only when the light was beginning to show over the horizon that he managed to stand up, wiping at the dry tear tracks on his face.

 

He only realized then how tired he was. Not that it mattered much, he rarely got sleep these days in any case. So he lifted his head high, forcing his steps into something more purposeful than what he felt. His strides long and a look of disinterest on his face.

 

No matter how broken he felt, there was no way he was going to let someone get the better of him. He was a Malfoy after all. And a Malfoy never showed emotion. Letting the enemy know that you were in pain was a show of weakness and weakness was a sure way to get hurt even more and he wasn’t exactly in the mood for getting hurt any more than he was any time soon.

 

He would make it through this school year no matter what. He wasn’t about to give up any time soon. That was the last thing he was going to do. He was going to put this whole soulmate thing behind him. Maybe if he tried he could still find a nice pureblood girl and try to work out a good marriage. He could do that. He could save this broken mess, he was sure of it. He just needed to keep working.

 

But if he almost started crying again when someone taunted and hexed him? Well, that was for no one but himself to know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is actually on time! So I'm quite pleased with myself. I hope you guys liked it and it wasn't too harsh? It was actually one of the first chapters that I think was actually quite sad. Poor Draco...   
> In any case, I hope it wasn't too bad and that it wasn't too bad to read!  
> (Also I'm really struggling to write longer chapters, so I'm sorry for that.)


	8. Chapter 8

Draco had spent far too much time staring at his wrist the last week or so. Ever since he had told Harry, he had tried desperately to talk to the other, to at the very least apologise, or just do something to get Harry to stop ignoring him. He had written to him and tried to talk to him in real life but Harry had been completely ignoring him.

 

He had known it would end like this, it had been so utterly foolish of him to hope that Harry would still feel the same way, that he would even still talk to him. Yet he had been foolish enough to hope.

 

It had only been this week that he had realised how utterly lonely he was. Before he could at least write to Harry. Now he got no response and the letters to Pansy and Blaise were few and far between. The only company he ever got was Luna, who visited sporadically. It was something at least and it kept him from going absolutely insane.

 

Still, it was never enough for him. He spent most of his time holed up in his room or at the very back of the library. He avoided people as best he could and he stayed away from Potter at all costs. The added stress was taking his toll. He was eating and sleeping even less now, his anxieties running far too high.

 

Everything seemed to blur together and it got to a point where he couldn’t remember when was the last time he had eaten. The only reason he could say what day of the week it was, was because of his classes, which he only attended because he had to.

 

No matter how much he tried to immerse himself in the work, he found it difficult to concentrate for any amount of time and he had difficulty even completing the easiest of tasks. He was sure he looked like a wreck, but he couldn’t bring himself to look in the mirror long enough to really take note of the toll it was taking on his body. He had half hoped that he would’ve faded out of existence by now.

 

Draco had trouble sleeping and that morning it had been no exception. It was early Saturday morning but he had already been up for hours, trying and failing to write his Potions essay. He kept glancing at his wrist. He hadn’t sent a message in a few days now. He had given up on trying to talk to Harry.

 

His door opened to reveal a very eccentrically dressed Luna and he covered his wrist out of habit. He had never understood the rhyme or reason behind how she dressed, but he had come to start noticing a few things. Like which earrings she wore when she was troubled (the little purple ones that looked like one of the creatures from her books, to keep away the loopgosts). Which bracelets when she was sad (the silver ones that clinked every time she moved, the ones her father gave her, it keeps away glupins). Which glasses when she was happy(the oversized purple ones that made her look like a bug, she made them herself).

 

The list went on and on, Draco made sure to keep track. She was his friend after all and he wanted to be considerate towards her, seeing that she always made an effort to help him, in her own way. Today she was wearing her favourite robe that changed colours when she moved in the sun, along with an almost absurd amount of jewellery, most of which indicated happiness and a few he didn’t recognise. From what he could tell, she was in a good mood today, it was also her version of clothes for more important occasions.

 

He frowned slightly as she looked him over. “Draco, you’re not dressed yet.” He looked down at himself, about to argue that he was dressed, although his clothes were slightly wrinkled and his shirt untucked, but nothing he couldn’t fix in a few moments. He was about to protest when he realised Luna never commented on how he was dressed unless it was to ask him in her roundabout way if he’s okay.

 

She was also dressed nicely, so he was pretty sure he was missing something. “I was hoping we could get to Hogsmeade early to go to the Dervish And Banges. I need them to fix some things of mine.” Draco doubted that they’d fix whatever it was of hers that needed fixing, seeing her things weren’t exactly conventional. Still it was only a few moments after she said it that he realised exactly what she had said.

 

“That’s today?” She nodded, a small smile on her lips that looked slightly amused. He had almost completely forgotten about their planned Hogsmeade weekend. They hadn’t talked much about it after all. He stood up, maybe a bit too fast because he suddenly felt very dizzy. When was the last time he had eaten? He shook the thought off. “Right. Give me a few minutes and I’ll be right down.”

 

If he was being honest, he didn’t want to go, at all. In fact, he wanted to crawl into his bed and lay there in his own misery. He didn’t want to face people any more than he had to. But he had given her his word and he wouldn’t go back on that. He was also scared that she would get fed up with him and stop stopping by, but he didn’t want to think about that scenario.

 

She hesitated by the door. “We can stop by Honeydukes Sweetshop. I heard that they’ve got a new range of sweets. I thought you might enjoy it.” She smiled far too sweetly and Draco could feel his resolve cracking. No matter how much he wanted to convince himself it was just his word he didn’t want to go back on, he knew he had developed a soft spot for the girl.

 

He sighed and nodded. “Alright. I’ll come.” She sent another smile before closing the door. He grabbed some clothes, not caring all that much if it looked good or not. All his clothes were too loose fitting these days in any case. And on top of that, nobody cared what he looked like. With no image left to protect, there was no reason to try. He quickly brushed his teeth and ran a comb through his hair, all the while avoiding the mirror, before heading down to meet Luna. He knew he looked terrible, there was no use worrying about it even more.

 

He ignored the golden trio when he saw them walk past, trying to stay out of their way. Although he didn’t miss the look of disgust on Harry’s face which made his insides crumble.

 

He tried to shake it off nonetheless and tried his very best to focus on the supposedly new creature they had discovered in Norway that caused toothaches that Luna was talking about. Draco tried to believe her, he really did, but as most of the time he had a difficulty believing in any of the creatures she talked about. Still, he listened as best as he can.

 

It was slightly amusing and Luna got all dreamy and had a sparkle in her eyes when she started talking, so Draco never minded her talking. The last while however, he found it hard to concentrate on much at all. His head seemed keen on repeating everything Harry had said that night.

 

They had reached Hogsmeade faster than he had expected and Luna was enthusiastically talking about the new sweets she heard about. When did she change topics? He hoped she didn’t notice his obvious lack of concentration. But if she did, she thankfully said nothing about it. He would always be grateful for her seeming to know just when to prod and when to leave it alone.

 

She walked them into the shop, luckily he hadn’t been banned from it, and led him to a section filled with a range of sweets he hadn’t seen before. His stomach did a strange lurch, reminding him he hadn’t eaten in a while, while at the same time protesting the idea of any consumption of food.

 

He sighed and watched as Luna started looking over all the different sweets. She picked out a chocolate with a peculiar packaging and held it out to him, a small smile on her face. “This one might be nice. Your sweet tooth might appreciate it.” There was a playful twinkle in her eyes and he took the chocolate bar with a slightly forced smile.

 

The purple packaging read ‘Crazy Crackles, milk chocolate filled with popping candy’. It sounded interesting at least, so he might as well take it. When he looked up Luna was holding out something else as well. “It’s apple toffee caramels.” He took that as well.

 

Luna picks out a few more items. Draco couldn’t find a rhyme or reason behind it, as he struggled to do with anything she did, but she seemed to take great care in picking them out. Once she decided they had enough they headed to the till. The lady behind the counter sneered at him but let them buy in any case. And although Draco tried insisting on paying for it, Luna didn’t budge and bought it herself.

 

Once Luna counted out the coins and paid, they turned to head out. She stopped once they were outside, staring at the clouded sky. “You look dizzy. Maybe we should stop and eat something first.” He went to protest that it’s fine, that they should visit the other shops Luna wanted to, but his stomach growled and he sighed, giving in with a small nod.

 

She smiled again, brighter this time and led them nearer to the edge of the town to sit down underneath a large tree. She took out some of the chocolate, handing it to Draco before pulling out some fudge for herself. It wasn’t real food, but he needed to eat something just to keep him going for now. Maybe he’d try to sneak some food to his dorm tonight without being seen.

 

They sat in a comfortable silence as they ate. Draco had finished his chocolate and had switched over to some liquorice by the time Luna spoke again. “You know, I never thought you were a bad person. You just did bad things.” He froze and it took a few moments before she spoke again. “I also don’t think anyone’s so broken that they can’t be fixed.”

 

Draco swallowed the lump in his throat. Where was this coming from? Surely he wasn’t doing so badly that he needed advice and sympathy from Lovegood, right? “Luna, I-“

 

“It’s okay,” she interrupted him. “I know you don’t want to believe it, but you’re not as evil as everyone says.” She finally looked to him, her eyes strangely focused on him for once. “Whatever’s going on, you can fix it.”

 

“I don’t think you understand-“ but he couldn’t really tell her what was going on, could he? “Forget it.” He sighed, pulling his knees up to his chest and resting his head on them. “Thanks, I’ll try. I just doubt it’ll work out.”

 

She watched him for a few more moments before turning her gaze to the branches of the tree above them. “Things have a way of working out. Maybe some Gooseberry charms will help. They ward off against Grouselice. I think I might still have some left. I’ll give them to you.”

 

For the first time in a week, Draco felt a smile come easily. Even if it didn’t work out, at least he had Luna and her Gooseberry charms. But she was right, he could keep on trying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I know it's been ages, but I'm back!(hopefully, we'll see. I have a lot coming up, but I want to try get back to writing)  
> Anywho, I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! Something a bit more positive and kind towards Draco  
> Thanks so much for sticking around <3  
> ((Also!!! Arlovebird, I don't know how to reach you, but I saw your comment(which I can't find anymore, sorry) and you may of course write a one shot inspired by this one!!! That's awesome!!! I would love to read it if you do post it!!! xoxo))

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much for reading! And thank you for Chandler for the unending support and patience.
> 
> Feel free to check out my tumblr at @thefantasticdrarry. And feel free to leave comments and critique! They are always greatly appreciated!


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